The body count
2010.07.27
01:33:49 |
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I was going through all my old photos over the weekend and I came across this old photo of me when I was 16. It was New Year’s Eve and I was wearing a backless top with a mini skirt (don’t judge, I was young and stupid). But my point is, I was 46kg, my tummy was insanely flat and my legs were great.
Today, I’m 58kg and even if for some reason dressing like a skank ever came back into fashion, I’d rather be caught dead than go out in a backless top and a mini skirt. Let’s just say it’s my way of being considerate to the public.
While I was sitting in my room, I realise as much as I would love to have a stomach that was made for midriffs, I can’t bring myself to give up my love for food again. As a teenager and way into my early ‘20s, I went through great lengths to suppress my love for food. When I was playing tennis for my secondary school, I told myself I had to eat healthily to up my game. When I was in University, I gave up meat after a philosophy class and after realising how much weight I’d lost in a month, I stuck to it for another nine months even though my stand on the morality of eating meat had changed.
Forcing myself to go on stupid diets and refusing to be even near anything that was remotely tempting (for example, a diet of nothing but tofu, pineapple juice and bean sprouts for a month straight) wasn’t only obviously damaging to my body, it made me perpetually frustrated. “Why am I not losing weight? What mutant fat genes did my parents pass on to me?” And it made me hate my body immensely. I might have dressed like I was proud of my body but it took me hours to convince myself I was going to be able to walk out without people throwing up.
When I started working at CLEO, I was forced to eat. From the time I started as an editorial assistant, I was in charge of the food page and going out for food tastings were necessary. Initially, it was hard for me to eat at ease but after a while, I realised the reason why I was so damn miserable previously was because I was denying myself of the one thing I loved most.
Today, I’m the one who’s banned from ordering at restaurants cos I’m always accused of over-ordering, I’m one of those crazy people who roll their eyes back and bob my head like an idiot when I take a bite into something that tastes amazing and I’m always on the look out for new food spots to try.
So it’s not surprising that after four years of my fulfiling relationship with food, I’ve put on more than 10kg. But you know what, I don’t think I want to break up with Food for Size Zero. Kate Moss might have said “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” but I’ll have my grain fed Angus fillet steak that has been aged for 200 days and grilled to perfection tastes any day, thanks. |
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