"I just cannot go to bed with a peace of mind if he doesn't message back to tell me what time he'd be back," Y, a girl friend I've known for more than 10 years was telling me about the one thing she wished her husband would just do for her.

"But why?" I asked. 'It's not as if he's ever spent a night outside and you might as well stop being so paranoid. Go to bed early and just enjoy having the whole bed to yourself."

"All I'm asking of him is a short SMS," said Y, "he doesn't even need to tell me where he is, who he's with and what he'd doing. I just need something like, 'Will be home at 2am', that's all."

I patiently explained to Y how while her request sounds reasonable, the fact that she was so adamant and obsessed about her husband messaging back would eventually lead to one of them losing his/her cool. "Let go a bit," I advised, "for all you know, it'll be him taking the initiative to let you know what he's up to."

I didn't manage to convince Y but the conversation got me thinking about the one thing: giving a damn about someone is tiring.

It's more than just a trust issue (this I'll leave to another blog entry for another day). You know, as individuals, living life from day to day is tedious enough. Each of us have our own set of problems to deal with - jobs, bosses, friends, familiy, staying in shape, getting more sleep, managing our money, etc. Every single one of us have our own lives to lead. What does this mean? 

Taking care and worrying about another person is absolutely unnecessary and a waste of time and effort - time and effort that you can spend on yourself!   

For myself, I make a conscious effort to not let a man become my responsibility. My life is for me to live. No matter how fond I am of someone, no matter how much I've grown to like someone, I refuse to let my life revolve around him. Sure, I can show him some consideration, be thoughtful and make the occasional romantic gesture. BUT to let what he's doing, or not doing, bother me to the extent that I lose sleep and concentration? No way.

And girls, this is not the Relationship-Grinch or the Commitmentphobe in me talking. This conclusion is something I've drawn after many conversations with friends about their relationships, after observing how many people become miserable because they just can't trust their partners to go out and not do something wrong. Yes, a relationship takes effort to maintain but so does your life! Is your life any less worthy of your time and effort?

The logic is simple: Be the best person you can ever be because, when push comes to shove, your man would stand to lose more from the relationship not working out than you would.

It's easier said than done, I admit. And I also realise that you'd probably need to harden your heart and become an impossibly rational person overnight. You may also question why in something that involves the heart, you have to make such calculated moves. You don't have to follow my advice, really. If you belong to the school that believes heartaches and tears are part and parcel of true love, then by all means let your heart and emotions take full control. But if, like me, you believe that love is like politics, that love is a relationship between two individuals fighting for the upperhand, then it won't hurt to take your heart out and put your mind in.

After all, love may be blind but it is a territory everyone should go in with their hearts, minds and eyes wide open.

Something to think about this weekend. Happy Friday!