What has 2009 been like for you?
We’re coming to the end of another year and it’s only natural that some of us (me included) tend to get a little nostalgic and start thinking about how it’s been like.
Kamei asked me this question on Sunday while we were out Christmas shopping at Vivocity.
Overall, 2009 has been a good year for me – I got my own place, I lost weight, I didn’t have any major emotional dramas (that’s very important for me) and I liked the songs that came out this year (Taylor Swift, you get my vote).
Some more (read: serious, less shallow) lessons that I’d bring with me into 2010:
1. Let love take over
I was dishing out some work advice to a friend and the conversation, somehow, drifted to love. As I was telling him about all the guys that I’d been attracted to, the guys I’d dated, and the guys I think I want, he said, “You take the path of least resistance at work but in love, you take the path of most resistance.” My god, this guy’s a genius or what? He makes perfect sense!
I told him I absolutely agree with him. Sometimes, in a rare moment of sobriety, I can see how I contradict myself. Although I may say I would like to try being in a relationship again, I keep going for the “unavailable” ones. I mean, this is plain stupidity. It’s almost like a starving man saying, “I’m on the verge of death but I only want to eat something by Nigella Lawson.”
Part of the reason why I indulge in this self-destructive attitude towards dating, is that I’m actually extremely terrified of falling in love – which is why I’ve been only focusing my pseudo-search for love on guys who’d not have me. There’s something about losing your heart to another person that makes me want to throw up. Anyway, enough of this immature behaviour. I’ve decided that in 2010, I shall not find 101 ways to convince myself that love is hard to find. I will be open-minded, I will learn to go with the flow and, although I will not settle, I will not make up my mind about a guy within 20 seconds of seeing him.
2. Family matters
This year, my family welcomed the arrival of my niece. This year, we also said goodbye to my grandfather.
Although I’ve moved out to live on my own, 2009 has seen my family growing closer together. My parents have found a renewed sense of purpose in their lives helping my sister take care of my niece. My dad is more cheerful now because the granddaughter gives him the adoration his daughters haven’t given him since they turned 16, and my mum is happy that she now has something to keep her busy. My grandpa’s wake gave my sister and I the opportunity to spend some time with my cousin, Selena. We used to spend our holidays together (my sis and I would stay over at my aunt’s place for the entire months of June and December) and this year, we are seeing a lot more of each other again. I’ve always loved my aunt’s family as I’ve loved my own and it simply warms my heart to see that both families still care so much for each other. I can see that everyone’s been very concerned with me since my breakup with the ex three years ago but this hiatus from the dating scene has also given me more time with the people I truly care about. I look forward to spending even more time with my family in 2010.
Another aunt of mine and I were having dinner at Thai Express one Sunday night when she said, “You know, it’d be three years since I’ve moved into my flat.” To which I said, “You do realise that the flat you’re now staying in is the flat the ex and I kinda looked at when we were thinking of getting married, right?”
Then she said the most encouraging thing to me, “But you’ve moved on to better and greater things since then.”
Honestly, we may not be the richest, most influential families in Singapore, but I wouldn’t give them up for anything in the world.
3. Stop playing the Blame Game
When things don’t go our way, it’s very easy to blame ourselves. If a gathering with friends didn’t work out, I’d think it was because they didn’t find me entertaining enough.
This year, I got over that. I decided, right at the start of the year, to stop blaming myself whenever things don’t work out.
Take for instance this date with some random dude. The date went fine (by that I meant there was no awkward silence), he messaged me to tell me he had fun … and I never heard from him again.
If it were me back in 2008, I’d have said, “Maybe he thinks I’m too fat,” and then proceeded to blame myself for not living up to someone else’s standards. But no more. I told Kamei that 2009 would forever be a great year in my books because I started it convinced that I’ve done all I could to be the best person I can be. And, if anyone still thought I fell short of their expectations, it was their loss, not mine.
This self-assuredness isn’t just limited to matters of the heart. I've carried this same attitude with me at work as well and I’ve been able to make decisions better, think clearer and basically feel more passionate about my job.
In 2010, I will continue to remind myself of this and I hope I’ll be an even happier person for it.
So what has 2009 been like for you?
Merry Christmas, my friends!
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