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'Tis the season to be jolly 2009.12.17 22:13:56 |
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This week has been horrible one. Firstly, my gums have been swollen all week and I feel like someone punched me on the right side of my face. I tried convincing myself that it would subside but on Wednesday, the pain was too much for me to take. I finally relented and made an appointment to visit a dentist. Now, I’m petrified of dentists. I know probably a grand total of three people in the world have watched B-grade horror flick, The Dentist (with the awesome tagline, It’s time for your checkup… Pray it won’t be your last), but that show scared the crap out of me and now whenever I find myself in the dentist’s chair, I scheme my escape plan should my dentist be armed with a drill and a deranged mind. After sitting through 40 minutes of torture, I found out my wisdom teeth have decided to grow sideways such that they’re jammed against my molars. In other words, my wisdom teeth have disturbed the peace that prevents me from seeing the dentist more than I have to. In light of such devastating news, I decided beers were necessary so Debs and I headed over to Brotzeit. While I was whining to her, she said, “Urm babe. Your face is as red as a lobster. You haven't even finished your beer.” While I was staring at her in disbelief, she said the worst possible thing one person could say to another, “Maybe you’re developing an allergy to alcohol.”
Well, whatever the reason, this has got to stop. So here is my letter of appeal to my body. Dear Body, I know that I’ve not always treated you well. And I can totally understand that you’re sick and tired of having to work into the wee hours of the night to keep me happy. For the past 26 years, you’ve silently taken on this burden and have always delivered stellar results (maybe minus slacker Liver who still gives me the occasional hangover. But we can talk about that some other time.) But here’s my point. 2009 has been a turning point for me. I realised that the last thing I want is for any one of you to tender your resignation. Cos I know I won’t be able to work half as well if even a teeny part of you didn’t do your job. So I have been putting in the effort this year to shower you with the tender loving care you deserve. Did Heart not feel stronger after I started working out in the gym? Did Brain, Blood and Heart not benefit after I started popping a daily dosage of vitamins? And let’s not forget how I started eating less processed food, cutting back on alcohol, sleeping early and drinking more water. In light of all of these facts, I think this sudden rebellion is excessive. In 2010, I intend to exercise more, eat better and enjoy myself in moderation. So you will get to rest when you need to, nourish yourselves when your energy levels are low and everything else you need to be happy campers. So are we cool? Think about it. We work best when we work together as a team! Remember how happy we were when we completed the run? So, please tell Wisdom Tooth, all three of them, to stop whatever they’re doing. Inform Blood there’s no need to flood my face when I drink. ‘Tis the season to be jolly. Make peace, not war. Thank you, Your eternally grateful owner. |
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