Whenever I eat lunch at my desk, I've got this habit of going onto Yahoo to check out the latest news and catch up on random, trivia happenings around the world.

Today, I came across a piece of news about Ris Low and her feeble attempts at creating a cheer for the Youth Olympics. I shan't go into the details about how she has once again embarrassed herself. The one thing that came up in my mind, however, was this question:

Have we, as a people, gotten less creative?

This is a question that is very close to my heart. Why do I say that? Because it seems that the purpose of doing anything these days is to get people looking in your way. It doesn't matter if an advertisement is visually stunning or carries an intelligent message. As long as people TALK about it, as long as people are able to RECALL this ad in some random street survey, the ad is considered a success. Mind you, there's a difference between creativity and attention-grabbing. The former is done with class, with a respect for art and wit. The latter is often crass, desperate and aims to appeal (or shock) as many people as possible.

A creative piece of work doesn't have to be high-brow and hard to understand. I miss the days when we had a heart-thumping national day song to learn every year. Songs like "Count on me, Singapore" and "Home" were unpretentious, down-to-earth, but they managed to still inspire a sense of awe and patriotism in us. I'm sorry to say this but recent years' national day songs have been ... blah. I mean, yes, it's cool to get people like Electrico and Corinne May to perform them but these tunes have been forgettable, lukewarm and wimpy. They don't inspire pride in Singapore. At all.

And I'm sure we don't want to even talk about JJ Lin's YOG number.

What does it mean to be creative?

I don't know what is this creativity that schools are trying so hard to "teach" their students to do. To be able to think out of the box? To be able to come up with mindblowing works of art? To just create without thought? The direction seems so lost. In my opinion, there is a general reluctance to take a stand and make a statement. 

To me, being creative starts with baring your soul. When I come up with an idea, the first place I go to is my gut. What is my gut feeling about the task at hand? What do I feel about it? What is the message I want to convey to everyone else? Being creative is a very self-centred process. There is NO ALTRUISM involved in it. It's addressing a hunger - YOUR HUNGER. And, what you do to feed it is then made powerful by your ability to make others IDENTIFY with your hunger. 

There must be a desire to inspire. Often, people think being creative means doing something different. It's not. Being creative doesn't mean you have to take the road less travelled. You basically need to give others a different perspective of something. Blogging, ironically, takes the soul out of writing. There is no respect for the power of the written word because the norm is simply to splash a blog with lots of pictures. Blogs have so much influence these days but the ones that provide a refreshing point of view are far and few between. They feed but they don't nourish.   

Lastly, to be creative is to have pride. The belief that what you've created is the best and that no one else would be able to come up with a close substitute. The most respected artists, songwriters, moviemakers, writers don't settle for second-best and they rather fail on their own ideas then succeed on someone else's. There is no compromise, no meeting someone in the middle. I don't think I've heard JJ Lin defend his YOG song at all. The South Africans were up in arms over Shakira singing the World Cup theme song but did Shakira just go away quietly into the night? She gave her opinions on that matter! You don't have to react violently towards criticisms of your work. But to say something shows that YOU GIVE ENOUGH OF A DAMN. 

Until we start to place that much pride, hope and importance into our works, we can forget about being creative.    

Do you get offended whenever someone makes a comment like, "I don't think we'll live in Singapore for long. My husband hates Singapore"? The husband in question is, of course, a foreigner. 

I do. I really do. I find it very difficult not to take it personally when Singaporeans talk about going overseas to live because their non-Singaporean spouses find Singapore:

1. Too small - look it's just the way this island is, OK. We never said in our brochures that Singapore's the size of the North American continent.

2. Too crowded - again, we can't help you there. Have you tried going shopping in Seoul during the sale period?

3. Too boring - look, I admit our clubs are not the most fantastic and that most of us try to be law-abiding citizens. But I don't think "happening nightlife" is something career-minded people think about when they relocated to Singapore to grow their careers, right?

From my conversations with my friends who married foreigners, they always talk about how their husbands like places like Kuala Lumpur, Phuket, Bangkok for their "rustic charms", that they like that the roads have potholes, that there aren't too many built-up areas in these places and that the people there are much "simpler than Singaporeans and less work-obsessed". 

Look, just because Singapore is in Southeast Asia, it doesn't mean we are obliged to look like a beachfront resort with burger stands and t-shirt stores located every 50m. I'm NOT saying that it's bad to be a beach resort, but the only reason some foreigners seem to dislike Singapore is because we are a CITY. Just because Singapore does not fit the stereotype of an exotic Asian getaway, we are being perceived by foreigners as "not having a soul".

I find that ridiculous and I think non-Singaporeans need to understand that Singapore, like New York, London and Tokyo, has every right to be a thriving, commercial, modern metropolis filled with breathtaking skyscrapers and monumental shopping malls. Sure, we may look like a country with no history, no heritage, no culture, no art ... BUT if that's how we want to grow this city, WE DAMN WELL WILL. Why should we remain "rustic", "rural", "exotic" just so foreigners would think we are a nice Asian country? Why can't Singapore be a modern city with exotic neighbours?

Please, I don't go about proclaiming that "Singapore is the greatest country in the world". What I am trying to say is that just because Singapore does not have:

1. A colourful night life like Lan Kwai Fong in Hong Kong

2. The smoky traffic jams of Bangkok

3. The roadside foodstalls of Kuala Lumpur

4. Rich cultural scenes like those in Tokyo

It doesn't make us a lesser city. As a country, we have things that we can be proud of. Such as our low crime-rate, our efficent public transport system, and our effective education system. There's a reason why so many foreigners choose to come work here - credit cards are accepted almost everywhere, our banks are safe and our airport is well-run and our business district area is teeming with great minds and a hardworking workforce. No country is perfect but Singapoure, OUR COUNTRY, has done damn well for itself! Do you not agree? 

I do not swell with pride whenever Singapore boasts about its achievements. I think we can still do more when it comes to protecting the planet. I think housing is way too expensive and that more could be done for the local art scene. But when I read about how girls in some countries are sentenced to death for being raped, when I learnt how there are laws in certain countries that prevent women from seeking medical help from a male doctor, I am grateful to be in Singapore. 

And for those foreign men who are dating or have married Singaporean women, surely you don't think our outspoken nature and our modern way of thinking is attributed to HBO or MTV, right? Where do you think your girlfriend/wife was first educated and brought up? And, there is nothing wrong with the values this country has instilled in its citizens.

We place a lot of emphasis on our careers so stop telling us to take a holiday. We will go on one when our schedule has time.

We like to own things - bags, shoes, flats, cars - so stop going on and on about how where you come from, people rent.

If our careers are going well here, we see no reason to up and go and live in Spain. Sorry, the need for security definitely outweighs the need for change and adventure. The latter I'll do - when I retire, have loads of money, don't have to worry about the mortgage, can afford a house and a vineyard and don't have stay in a backpacker's hostel. For now, call me boring, practical and unromantic - my city is an overachiever and so am I.                  

"I just cannot go to bed with a peace of mind if he doesn't message back to tell me what time he'd be back," Y, a girl friend I've known for more than 10 years was telling me about the one thing she wished her husband would just do for her.

"But why?" I asked. 'It's not as if he's ever spent a night outside and you might as well stop being so paranoid. Go to bed early and just enjoy having the whole bed to yourself."

"All I'm asking of him is a short SMS," said Y, "he doesn't even need to tell me where he is, who he's with and what he'd doing. I just need something like, 'Will be home at 2am', that's all."

I patiently explained to Y how while her request sounds reasonable, the fact that she was so adamant and obsessed about her husband messaging back would eventually lead to one of them losing his/her cool. "Let go a bit," I advised, "for all you know, it'll be him taking the initiative to let you know what he's up to."

I didn't manage to convince Y but the conversation got me thinking about the one thing: giving a damn about someone is tiring.

It's more than just a trust issue (this I'll leave to another blog entry for another day). You know, as individuals, living life from day to day is tedious enough. Each of us have our own set of problems to deal with - jobs, bosses, friends, familiy, staying in shape, getting more sleep, managing our money, etc. Every single one of us have our own lives to lead. What does this mean? 

Taking care and worrying about another person is absolutely unnecessary and a waste of time and effort - time and effort that you can spend on yourself!   

For myself, I make a conscious effort to not let a man become my responsibility. My life is for me to live. No matter how fond I am of someone, no matter how much I've grown to like someone, I refuse to let my life revolve around him. Sure, I can show him some consideration, be thoughtful and make the occasional romantic gesture. BUT to let what he's doing, or not doing, bother me to the extent that I lose sleep and concentration? No way.

And girls, this is not the Relationship-Grinch or the Commitmentphobe in me talking. This conclusion is something I've drawn after many conversations with friends about their relationships, after observing how many people become miserable because they just can't trust their partners to go out and not do something wrong. Yes, a relationship takes effort to maintain but so does your life! Is your life any less worthy of your time and effort?

The logic is simple: Be the best person you can ever be because, when push comes to shove, your man would stand to lose more from the relationship not working out than you would.

It's easier said than done, I admit. And I also realise that you'd probably need to harden your heart and become an impossibly rational person overnight. You may also question why in something that involves the heart, you have to make such calculated moves. You don't have to follow my advice, really. If you belong to the school that believes heartaches and tears are part and parcel of true love, then by all means let your heart and emotions take full control. But if, like me, you believe that love is like politics, that love is a relationship between two individuals fighting for the upperhand, then it won't hurt to take your heart out and put your mind in.

After all, love may be blind but it is a territory everyone should go in with their hearts, minds and eyes wide open.

Something to think about this weekend. Happy Friday!

A guy-friend, upon hearing that I've been a bit stressed at work, messaged me this on Monday: "I'll be around to lend you a listening ear, even though you know what are my thoughts about your industry."

Excuse me, Guy-Friend! What does "my thoughts about your industry" mean? Why do I catch a hint of condescension in your tone, like my work is useless, frivolous and not worth getting stressed over?

On a date yesterday, I proudly showed my date the August 2010 issue of CLEO. He made a face when I took out the magazine.

"Oh c'mon," he grimaced. "What does 'Gaga Ooh-La-La' even mean? I hate that line."

"What?" I said, "Have you not heard the song 'Bad Romance'?" I proceeded to sing a few lines in my best throaty Lady Gaga-voice.

"Oh well," Magazine-Hating Date relented and then shook it all off by saying, "But it's not like you produced this magazine for people like me."

OK. I think it is time we girls put a stop to this dismissive attitude men have towards women's lifestyle magazines. It's as if, in the whole universe of magazines, women's lifestyle mags are just one evolutionary step above a piece of blank paper. The men in our lives roll their eyes whenever they see us reading one ("They're just lying about that anti-ageing cream, you know, right?" ). When we tell them about how it seems cosmically fated that Justin Timberlake would still end up with Britney Spears, they yawn and make some sarcastic comment about how that is really going to help with world peace. How rude.

In the eyes of men, we are screwed up because of women's magazines!

Unhealthy body-image? Blame these magazines for using pictures of models and celebs. 

My thoughts? So you men would rather we women not care about our images? Hello! It's thanks to all that celeb-inspiration that we dress and look this good!   

The materialistic desire for all-things designer? It could only be women's magazines.

Yes, and the car and gadget magazines you guys read are really not trying to sell you anything and, like you'll still find us attractive if we keep showing up for our dates in the same Giordarno t-shirt and 3-for-$10 FBT shorts.  

Buying ridiculous fashion stuff like one-shoulder dresses and chunky necklaces? Check out the fashion spreads inside women's magazines! 

OK. Don't let me catch you trying to get a glimpse of my boobs the next time I wear that figure-hugging one-shoulder dress with that huge cut-out at the waist that shows off my abs. Remind me to stick to something boring ... like ... oh yes, a Giordarno t-shirt and a pair of FBT shorts. 

Men don't realise that it's THANKS to women's magazines that Singaporean women, on the whole, is a much better-looking bunch than Singaporean men. When it comes to grooming and dressing, we are light years ahead of our male counterparts. Yes, we do have lots and lots of pages about beauty and fashion but we also tackle very real topics like career, confidence, relationships and health. We make information accessible. We package information so that it is more digestible and appealing to read. What is information if people are not willing to read it or if people simply don't understand it?

"You know, you're right. Women's magazines are crap," I said to Magazine-Hater. "There shouldn't be anything wrong with wearing a linen, checkered shirt with black straightcut pants and suede moccasins - whether I go to the office or to a club?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Magazine-Hater, "You don't have moccasins. Besides, they are more like men's shoes?"

"Exactly," I said. "But that was how I dressed before I started reading women's magazines." 

Silence.

Deborah 1; Magazine-Hater 0. Point made.

"What? You don't wash your face?" I asked my guy pal over dinner last week. He had just finished gym and was looking a bit like a piece of flypaper - sticky.

"Noooooo" he replied in mocked disgust. "Guess what happens to guys who bend over at the sink to wash their faces? Hurhurhur ..."

Funny. Very funny.

"Well," I said, "how hard could it be to soap up your face when you're in the shower?"

Wait a sec! Before you go, "How could a self-confessed beauty junkie like you tell your friend to use soap on his face?" Read on ...

Between a man who takes skincare to the extreme and a man who doesn't give two hoots about his skin, who would you choose?

For me, it's a hard choice. While I find the former's disinterest in skincare "manly" (and therefore attractive), I do appreciate the latter's good grooming habits cos, really, which girl would want to kiss a dirty, oily, grimy face?

I've dated both types of guys before. Strangely enough, the one whose skincare regime consisted only of a tap and the water that flows out of it had flawless, zit-free and radiant skin. The dude whose skincare regime included a weekly whitening sheet mask battled with spots and waged a constant battle with the pits that the acne left behind. Plus, personally, it was very difficult to find a man sexy when he's busy patting skin-plumping serum (with 24K gold-flakes, no less!) into his skin!

So how much damn should a man give about his skin? Not too much, I hope. I'm just not the sort who finds a man working through a 7-step regime attractive.

Skincare for men came about when (1) women started bitching about their boyfriends misusing their expensive face creams (2) men who wanted to take good care of their skins got called many nasty names by their Neanderthal brothers.

But when you look at skin, it's basically the same for both men and women. Yes, men do have thicker, tougher, rougher skins but skin is skin and skin works the same way for both genders. With regular exfoliation, daily moisturising and conscientious use of a sunscreen, man's skin can be good, nice skin. The only reason why men have that tough, chewy hide they call skin is because they generally treat it so damn badly.

Think of it this way: if you were beaten, scratched and exposed to the sun for the first 20 years of your life, you'd be hard, rough and tough too!

Nonetheless, it's one thing to create a skincare range that works well for tough skins and quite another to introduce stuff that "lifts saggy skin", "erases signs of ageing", "injects a radiant glow with a velvety touch". Men don't give a rat-ass about such promises - women do. And these terms only serve to confuse and scare them! I can almost hear my guy friend go, "This collagen-booster-hyaluronic-acid-melano-blocker thing sounds like it could end a world war, yo!"

But you know what? It's fine by me! I don't want a man who says things like, "Honey, you've got anything that will plump up my fine lines and define my facial contours?" YIKES!

I'm all for a cleanser-moisturiser-sunscreen routine. As the editor of a women's magazine that preaches the benefits of a thorough skincare programme, I know I'm supposed to convince all men to be like us and go for a skincare regime that's as complicated as Justin Timberlake's dance steps but the woman in me simply cannot live with a man who'd rather spend his time extracting his blackheads than playing a sport! I still want a manly man who thinks soap for body is soap for face.

For a man, a skincare regime is all about ...

1. Being fuss-free - none of those "gently tap your eye area with your ring finger" instructions

2. Not embarrassing him at the gym. And for that matter, let some guys in the locker-room have wrong ideas about his seuxal preference.

3. Making him look cleaned up.

Which is why I really don't think it's a great idea for any men's skincare product to give too much information. If it's a cleansing product that "removes impurities, unclogs pores and washes away free radicals", it should just say, "Cleans damn well". An anti-ageing moisturiser should just say, "Will not make skin look like croc leather" while a thingy (see, guys don't know a serum from an essence) that "erases pigment spots" should just say, "Out, damn spot!"

Cos after all, guys being guys, have only one thing on their minds when they're slapping on that whitening sunscreen we bought them: "I hope she lets me touch her boobs tonight ..."

Since I don't intend for my guy friend to think he's got a modicum of hope near my pair, I shall leave the cleanser-buying task to his girlfriend. Meanwhile, I will just stick with a pal-hug and not place my face near his.