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Ed's note |
Check out editor Kamei random rants! |
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Should you always speak your mind?
2013.03.07
01:00:32 |
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A friend of mine has recently been miserable in her job. The hours are long, her boss is a slave-driver, the pay isn’t good, the job’s not fulfilling … you get the drift. The first few outings, we did what girlfriends do for each other – we listened intently and offered suggestions. We kept a lookout for potential jobs in the areas she was interested in, and some even pulled their connections to help her get job interviews.
But with each potential job opportunity presented, she turned it down. There was always a reason for why the job wasn’t “right”, and after a while, it became clear that she was bent on sticking to the “whining” stage, and had no real desire to move on to the “lets-do-something-about-it” stage.
So I stopped giving her advice, or attempting to help her move on. I figured there’s only so much someone can say to convince or motivate you – it comes to a point where you have to decide that that’s what you want, and go for it.
But after the umpteenth pity-party hosted by this friend, the other girls started to get irritated. I mean I get it, especially for the ones who had to tell their point of contact that the girl who was “perfect for the job” and “eagerly looking for a new job” was suddenly not interested. But nobody said anything to her about it. They stuck to talking about her over Whatsapp.
Now, I’m not above gossip. I would be lying if I said so. But I don’t like it when it’s within my core group of friends – I’d like to think if we have an issue with someone, we’re close enough to sort it out directly. So I left that particular group chat and let them “vent” to each other.
But things just started getting out of hand – the irritated group of girlfriends started spending nights out talking about the one who was miserable in her job. When we were all out together, the latter spent the night talking about her job.
These situations happen in all groups of girlfriends but I decided I had enough of this nonsense. So one night, I told irritated group of girlfriends that if they were so seriously annoyed, they should man up and tell that friend straight to her face.
And the next time girl-who-hates-her-job asked me what she should do, I told her, “Look, I’ve already told you what I think. It’s scary to change jobs, I get it. But you’re just wallowing in your own misery right now, and that’s fine. But don’t ask me for advice cos both of us know you’re not going to listen to it.”
Understandably, both parties weren’t exactly ecstatic to hear what I had to say. But both parties also made it a point to quit bitching and I was so relieved when our last outing did justice to the occasion: Happy Hour.
But this whole fiasco got me thinking: Why do girlfriends, even really close ones, find it so hard to be honest with each other? I hear about these types of situations all the time – Girlfriend A thinks Girlfriend B is dating the wrong guy but says nothing. Girlfriend A thought Girlfriend B was unnecessarily harsh the other day, but says nothing.
Perhaps, it’s because we’re so used to packaging messages in a pretty box of niceties and tact that we just aren’t used to speaking our mind, even with our closest of friends. Even at work, women tend to have a problem being straightforward. We don’t say, “Hey, I need you to get this done by 3pm.”; we say, “Hi! Could you help me get this done? Oh, and by the way, if it can get it done by 3pm, that’d be great, thanks!”.
But perhaps, we’re overthinking things when we choose to play nice all the time. Speaking your mind doesn’t make you a bitch. Ill intentions do. And amongst friends, surely it’s safe to assume that we only have each other’s best interests at heart, right?
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No, I’m not seeing anyone …
2012.05.31
23:09:24 |
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A very strange thing happened to me this morning. An article in Marie Claire made me cry. OK, I didn’t exactly have a meltdown in the office but I found myself getting teary.
What was it about?
It was a personal anecdote from a woman who is in her ‘50s and reflecting on her life as a single woman. In it she talked about how she spent her ‘20s making sure that the guys she dated fulfilled a checklist. After a failed marriage, she found herself in her ‘40s single and childless, and she talked about the harsh reality of being a single woman – the judging looks you get when you go for a friend’s child’s birthday party, having to send herself to surgery because the surgery was too early in the morning to trouble friends, and having to deal with a friend’s look of horror when she asked him to recommend men to her.
It was brutally honest and it hit a raw nerve with me because it was my first glimpse into what my life could be.
You see, I’ve been single for seven years. Wait, let me clarify something: I’ve chosen to be single for the past seven years. It isn’t easy convincing people that I’m genuinely happy with my life (I’ve stopped trying a few years back – I’m quite happy to let people think I’m secretly miserable because I’m single). There’s something about being a single girl. People don’t think it’s normal. It was easier when I was in my early 20s, people just assumed I was young and fooling around. But now that I’m 29, it gets a bit harder for people to accept that life can be complete without a stable relationship or (*gasp*) marriage.
For example, whenever I’m catching up with someone, and they ask me what’s new, and I share with them all the new and exciting things that we’re doing at CLEO, I know it’s just a matter of time before the question, “So, you seeing anyone?” will pop up. And it does.
I also remember one time when I got immensely annoyed with my guy friends. I had just gotten promoted to deputy editor and I was elated. They were happy for me, of course. But when one pal asked me, “So, your love life, how? Dating or not?” and I told him there were no updates on that front, he gave me this sympathetic look, as if to say “Don’t worry babe. It’s going to be OK.”
That annoyed me heaps for two reasons. One, I don’t understand why people offer sympathy when they hear a girl’s single. What exactly are they feeling sorry for? My ageing ovaries? Secondly, my single status had once again undermined and overshadowed my other achievements.
Recently, my mum (who’s always been a strong supporter of me being a single, independent woman) gently broached the topic of marriage. My grandmother’s health hasn’t been great recently and seeing her frail and weak has made my mum concerned that there will be nobody to look after me when I’m at that age. Her point is valid and it’s one that I’ve considered over the years. I like how my mum has my dad to talk to at the end of the day, and whenever I spend time with my grandmother, I think about how nice it would be to have someone around when I’m her age.
But I also know that I’ve never been the type of girl who’s dreamt of getting married. I don’t exceptionally like children (they’re cute and I love shopping for baby clothes for my friends’ kids but the thought of having one of my own isn’t on my to-do list). The things that are however, on my to-do list all point to one overall goal – I want a meaningful, happy and fulfilling life. I’m just not convinced that marriage or even having a partner is the only way to achieving it.
Sure, I might find myself utterly miserable in my ‘40s because I’m husband-less and childless. Or I could end up like the writer in the Marie Claire article and find some way to reconcile the downside of being single in your ‘50s. She says “If I could go back in time, I’d put my arms around her (referring to herself in her ‘20s) and tell her that life in either Singleland or Coupledom is what you make of it. I’d tell her how much I love my life right now.”
So I’m taking inspiration from her and take a gamble because I think it’s more important to listen to my heart. And my heart tells me marriage isn’t for me.
So no, I’m not seeing anyone and I’m perfectly OK with it.
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Boys, boys, boys!
2012.02.19
22:42:57 |
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The March issue of CLEO has hit the stands and I'm super excited! Why? It’s the CLEO Bachelors issue, yo!
I remember the first time I worked on the CLEO Bachelors event. I had just started work, and we were working on the last photoshoot for the in-mag spread (we usually hold the shoots on alternate Saturdays for about eight to 10 weeks). Being a total newbie, I wanted to make a good impression with my colleagues so despite the fact that I had gushed to my sister prior to the shoot about how “freaking awesome” my new job was, and that “nobody else can say they get to do this for a living, man!”, I had decided that I would remain professional (in other words, calm and not giggly) amidst a room full of hot men.
My concerted efforts were going pretty well. I was assisting the team, making sure that the guys were getting their hair and makeup done in time for their photoshoot … on the surface, I was doing my job well. In my head though, the surroundings were surreal. I was in a hotel room, there were about 8 to 9 hot guys (some topless), and it was just a weird feeling knowing that this was … work.
My first CLEO Bachelors Finals Party was just as surreal. Being the most junior in the team, I was assigned the task of being the runner. So this is roughly how the event is run on the night itself. When you’re backstage, you can’t see what’s going on on stage, so we usually have one CLEO girl who cues the show. This means she sits behind a monitor that’s showing what’s going on on stage, and she’s telling the rest of us who needs to get ready for what segment of the show. The runner then is that person who conveys the message from one person to the other. That’s usually not a huge task because most of us are fixed with walkie-talkies of sorts, and we can communicate easily but we still need a runner just in case technology fails us.
So anyway, I was standing backstage when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and there was the winner from the previous year (if he’s in town, we usually invite the previous year’s winner to give out the award to the new winner). To be honest, I can’t remember what he said to me because I was so flustered but I do recall I was so distracted that I didn’t hear my colleague call me. It goes without saying that the CLEO girls had a good laugh about it for a very long time.
So there, that was my first Bachelors Finals Party experience. Obviously by the time the next CLEO Bachelors arrived, I knew what to expect from the event and photoshoots, so I was less “distracted”.
It doesn’t mean that the event is any less fun to run after these years, and this year on the CLEO EB website (click on the CLEO Bachelors banner on www.askcleo.com.sg), you’ll find out more about the behind-the-scenes of putting together the event. But here are some of my favourite moments so far!
The photoshoots
Here's a lesser known fact about photoshoots -- there's a lot of waiting time involved. You wait for the photographer to get the lighting right, hair and makeup to be done and if you're shooting outdoors, sometimes you spend hours just sitting around waiting for the rain to stop. In other words, there's a lot of time to goof around. Here, Eric Tan, who has done the makeup for the CLEO Bachelors photoshoots for a few years in a row, demonstrates what NOT to do if you're a CLEO Bachelor.
As you can tell, our shoot locations aren't always glamorous. Here's CLEO Bachelor winner 2008, Daren Tan. For this shoot, we wanted a really gritty feel so we were shooting at a random carpark in the middle of nowhere. There were tons of mosquitoes and because it was quite deserted, it got quite creepy when it started getting dark. It also didn't help that the photographer told us the place was supposed to be haunted! Being the scaredy cat I am, I made sure to always have one of the CLEO girls accompany me to the toilet.
Backstage at the Finals Party
Backstage is usually quite small so you can imagine how cramped it gets with 50 men. As soon as the show starts, we need to make sure that the event runs smoothly so this means briefing the guys and getting the guys who are going on stage next ready. So most of the time, it's one big frenzy as we try to get the attention of the guys. It's crazy, at times frantic, but luckily, the Bachelors are always more than cooperative. And it's always helpful to have tall Bachelors because when they stand head and shoulders above the rest, we can ask them to help us call out to the rest.
This is the big moment before the show starts. The guys are suited up and ready for the opening walk, and everyone's really pumped up, especially when we can all hear the crowd waiting outside!
Well, this year’s Bachelors are all in the March issue! Go get it and I’ll see you at the Finals Party!
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nom nom nom!
2012.02.06
17:42:08 |
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It's been a long time since I've gone for brunch (or woken up early enough for it), so I was happy to be able to head to Ardent's Cafebar at Neil Road with my siblings last weekend.
Brunch on the
weekends is harsh in most places in Singapore so when we didn't have a
booking, I wasn't surprised that we were told that all the tables
indoors were taken. Most times, this wouldn't be a problem -- I do enjoy
brunch alfresco at the Robertson Quay area but Ardent's Cafebar's
outdoors area is well... very outdoors with only one table under an
umbrella and the rest under the sun. And that day, trust me, the sun was
out in full force.
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| Enjoy the notes of... smelly shoes? |
Despite that, I was loving the vibe of the cafe until I saw the menu. I
appreciate a cute concept but the menu was contrived. It looked like an
old school children's storybook, which is fine. I just didn't get the
point of the strange writeups that went with each page. And I didn't
didn't understand how a menu could have been described as "a
retrospection into Alice's legendary slip into the rabbit's hole and the
Wonderland thereafter." Didn't get it, felt it was too try-hard and
really, unnecessary with a place that looked charming enough.
Ardent's Cafebar is an all-day brekkie place and the menu is simple and
concise. The breakfast options included the usual big brekkie and eggs
benedict. The less typical options included California Hangtown Fry
(eggs, deep fried breaded oysters, scrambled eggs and bacon) and rosti.
There are also a few salads and soups available.
Anyway, as I said, it was a hot day so we needed some booze. My youngest
bro and I went with Napoleone & Co. Pear Cider. I'm sorry but that
was pretty foul, with what I can only describe as having an aftertaste
of smelly shoes. Really, as some of my pals always say, I have low
standards when it comes to booze but this. was. bad.
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| Ardent's Freestyle (you get to pick up to five items) |
Onto the food. My big brekkie (Ardent's Freestyle) was alright. Although
I found the plating of the poached eggs in a small dish each slightly
awkward; and the hollandaise sauce lacked the slight vinegar-y punch I
like and it had split slightly when it arrived, the meal was by no
means bad. There just wasn't anything that made it memorable. My bro's
California Hangtown Fry was alright as well, and nothing much to shout
out about.
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| California Hangtown Fry |
However, I think a lot of the charm of brunch is not so much about the
food (even though I love, love, love a perfect egg's benedict and fried
mushrooms). It's really about how charmingly lepak the place is. The
only exception I make to this arbitrary rule is the quality of the
coffee. No matter how lovely a place is, there's really no reason for a
restaurant that serves brunch to screw up something as basic as coffee.
But anyway, as I was saying, the place needs to feel indulgently
leisurely and a lot has to do with the crowd, service and ambience.
At Ardent's
Cafebar, the service is friendly and personable, the vibe is super chill
partially because it isn't half as crowed as Boomarang's or some of the
other hotspots at Robertson Quay. And when the sun is more forgiving, I
can imagine wasting away an afternoon here.
One
of the co-owners told me they're intending to slowly introduce other
dishes like pastas, and I look forward to going back and checking it
out, especially if they stop chargining for water (It's $4.50 a pop by the way). Or considering the place closes at midnight everyday, and it's
pretty near my workplace, I reckon I'll be popping by real soon not for a
pear cider, but definitely for a beer.
Ardent's Cafebar is at 80 Neil Road. Tel: 6325 7077.
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For argument’s sake…
2011.10.13
00:32:27 |
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My friend has been having some boyfriend problems recently. She’s upset that he isn’t as expressive as she’d like him to be – she doesn’t know how he’s feeling and when he’s unhappy, she has no idea what it’s about and he refuses to talk about it.
So my question to her was, “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel and talk about how you’d like him to open up a bit more?” To which she told me they don’t get to see each other very often because of work, and she doesn’t want to spoil the night by getting into a fight. Her other point was that she doesn’t want to be a “typical” girl who’s whining and throwing tantrums over something so “small”.
It made me realise that many of us have this problem – whenever we have concerns, we shy from voicing it out because we’re afraid of confrontation or they way people will perceive us.
This becomes a bit more complicated when it comes to the workplace. Studies have many a time proven that women tend to play nice, in fears of being seen as the office bitch. Not that that fear is unwarranted. In a study, three quarters of men said they’d much rather work for a man than a woman. And the women surveyed also agreed with that. Female bosses were described as being “sharp tongued”, “moody” or “irritable”.
It’s not that we make worse bosses, it’s really because women and men are so used to seeing us as nice and non-confrontational that when we assert ourselves at work, people are more prone to take it the wrong way. So what’s a girl to do? Being nice doesn’t earn you respect or get you noticed by your boss. In fact, a study showed that agreeable women make US$3,213 less a year than disagreeable ones. But what’s the alternative? Speak up, push for your point and be prepared to fight to the bitter end and risk alienating everyone else?
Well, if you check out the Smart Report in the November issue of CLEO, you’ll see that there is a way for you to stand firm and get your point across without gaining a bad reputation. For me, I find being consistent at work or in your personal life helps. That means you make it a point never to speak rashly (even though that’s easier said than done) especially at work, and you never make personal accusations.
The reason being: women constantly get accused of being temperamental. You snap, people say you’re PMS-ing. You lose your cool, people immediately think it’s just one of your days. So what you want to do is to never give people the chance to think that of you. If you make it a habit to speak in a calm, collected and professional manner, after a while, people start to take you seriously when you speak. Because they know that when you disagree, you’re not doing so because you’re in a foul mood – it’s because you have a point.
One other thing I’ve learnt is that being aggressive is counter-productive whether you’re dealing with your friends or your colleagues. I knew this girl back in my university days and she was convinced that the louder she spoke, and the more times she repeated herself, we’d be won over. She never “won”, we just didn’t have the energy to fight it out with her. And after a while, I just stopped hanging out with her.
You see, winning an argument is not about shoving your stand in everyone else’s face. Listening to other people is just as important as what you have to say. It shows other people you respect them (because really, that’s important when dealing with people anytime), and they’re more likely to reciprocate.
This only means that if your point is valid, you up your chances of being heard and winning the other person over. Listening is also really important because it gives you time to evaluate your point. For all you know, you’ll realise that the other person has a more valid point and the two of you can come to a compromise. Because after all, winning an argument for the sake of it is a waste of time. You don’t need to be right all the time! |
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Looking for the next big thing!
2011.09.11
19:53:03 |
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This weekend, I spent it at Bugis Junction at the CLEO Star event, and can I just say, I’m impressed with the talent! One of the most interesting ones we’ve seen so far has to be this girl who walked in on stilts! Now, that’s the way to make a grand entrance! We also met many girls from all walks of life. Some had interesting stories to share – one girl practices alternative medicine on… animals. And she’s currently learning how to “read” animals’ minds. Another girl works for a major hotel chain and she told us about her close encounters with the celebs who have visited Singapore. As you’d imagine Annabelle and I were eager to uncover as much goss as we could get out of her! Oh, one other girl did a major career switch and she now decorates brownies for a living! This is by the way, the same girl who still doesn’t like baking.
Other girls we met were inspiring. I particularly remember this young woman – she’s 27, sharp, witty and incredibly confident. She fell pregnant when she was 19, but she put herself through school while raising a small kid and now she’s successful at her career. I asked her if she had any talents to show off to me, and she said, “I can spit gold from a straw.” Took me a while to realise she was kidding, but when I got it, I couldn’t stop laughing.
That’s the cool thing about CLEO Star. We aren’t just looking for a face to put on the cover, we’re looking for someone who has spunk and personality. A huge number of girls came into the audition room apprehensive saying, “Urm, I don’t have any talent.” But here’s the thing, I think it’s a skill to be engaging, to be able to keep random strangers hanging at your every word. It’s just as impressive if you’re a person who has such an infectious personality, people not only remember you, they want to get to know you better.
Most importantly, the thing I love about CLEO Star is that it celebrates the real girl. We don’t set any limitations (hello, this isn’t a beauty pageant, you know). If you can sing, great! You’re a self-professed K-Pop dancing expert? We want to see it! But we understand not all talents can be displayed in two minutes in an audition room. For example, we met a girl who’s one of the very few female race drivers! Now, how cool is that?!
Whatever it is, we’re looking a girl who walks into a room, and grabs our attention. Cos after all, it’s presence that gives a star power.
Being at CLEO Star reminds me of another super cool event that we had recently – CLEO Make Me A Makeup Artist. This is the first time we’re doing this event and there are a few reasons we wanted to do this event.
Firstly, we know that a lot of you are hardcore makeup junkies and we’re always impressed with how much know-how you have when we meet you at our other events. So we were keen to give girls like you the chance to take your passion to a higher level by helping you hone those skills and possibly pursue a career in the industry.
Secondly, we know most girls have the false impression that you can’t make it as a makeup artist in Singapore. That it’s only a viable career in other countries like the US or Paris, but from working with makeup artists constantly, we know that’s not true. We’ve got our Clarence Lees who have attained celebrity makeup artist status and work with international celebrities. But we’ve also got many makeup artists who make a good living working on commercials, TV shows and of course, stunning magazine spreads.
To be honest, we weren’t sure how many girls out there were keen to consider making such a drastic career switch but from the turnout, it’s clear many of you out there are willing to give it a shot! On the day of the event, each participant had to bring along a friend as a model and show off her makeup skills by giving her a makeover using Shiseido makeup. We weren’t just judging based on makeup prowess, we were also looking for how each participant interacted with her model. After all, that’s one of the most important traits of a great makeup artist. There’s no point being able to make me beautiful if you haven’t even heard of a breath mint, or the entire experience is just awkward and uncomfortable!
From that round, we shortlisted girls we thought had both the personality and skills to be a great makeup artist and from there, I got our resident and arguably ultimate beauty junkie, Cynthia to interview each girl (check out her blog to find out more) to make sure they have the tenacity, motivation and passion to pursue a career in makeup.
Well, four finalists have been picked and we can’t wait to unveil them in the October issue of CLEO – which by the way, hits the stands this week!! The finalists are going to go through four weeks of challenges, where they won’t only be put to the test, they’ll also be mentored by both guest makeup artists and experts from Shiseido. Who knows? CLEO might just have spotted the next big makeup artist! Remember to check out the October issue of CLEO to meet the finalists!
Have a great week ahead!
P.S. We’re having another round of CLEO Star auditions this week! It’s happening at SMU on September 13, 14 so come down if you want to stand the chance to appear on the cover of CLEO and walk away with more than $4K worth of prizes. See you! |
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What’s a little money between friends?
2011.07.11
01:29:56 |
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A lot, as I found out last week.
Recently, a friend complained to me that he was tired of having to guess what his friends’ budgets were when it came to planning holidays. He would do a random search online, find a deal that he thought was pretty good, send the information over to his pals only to have them get back to him telling him that they’d seen better offers on other websites. After a few emails, he got fed up, sent an email telling them he was sorry his google skills weren’t as awesome as theirs, and told them in not so subtle a way that it’s best they hunt down this elusive super promotion themselves. His friends got the message and told him not to get his panties in a twist, and took over the organising of the trip.
Now, allow me to make a sweeping generalisation here. But that’s the cool thing about guys. They can be totally direct with each other without having to worry they’re going to hurt the other person’s feelings. With us, being so forthcoming is relatively rare. In fact, a few things have happened to make me realise that even amongst close girl friends, it’s possible for us to feel awkward to talk about moolah.
Every Monday, I usually make plans with my girlfriends to have dinner on the weekends. Recently, I’ve noticed that the moment a more expensive place is suggested, a few of them opt out. It was only after meeting up with another friend that I found out that the real reason was that some of them didn’t want to spend so much on a meal.
It annoyed me slightly that they couldn’t be upfront about something as simple as this. I mean, really, what’s the shame in saying, “Hey, I’m super broke. Can we go somewhere cheaper?”.
Well, after speaking to this friend, it turned out that the problem here wasn’t the loss of face. It was a typically girl’s habit of putting other people’s needs before our own. They didn’t want to bring it up because they didn’t want the rest of us to have to cancel our plans and spoil the perfect weekend we had planned.
I personally hate this kind of second guessing. Thinking that you’d rather not “cramp your friends’ styles” by suggesting everyone go to a cheaper place on a night out, means you assume your company doesn’t matter, and I find that kind of lack of confidence in yourself and your friendships disturbing. Being able to acknowledge that you’re an integral part of your close friends doesn’t make you delusional. Think about it: what’s so shameless about saying you matter to other people? It’s the reason why all of you are so close in the first place!
My friend also brought up the fact that it’s awkward to talk about money. But here’s my point. I don’t think in a healthy friendship, you should feel pressured to spend as much as your other friends. But the thing is, your friends are never going to know where your limits are unless you make it known. It’s another bad girly habit (and do know that I use this term very loosely and am perfectly aware that there are many women who are not guilty of this) that we tend to assume that if two people are close, both parties should just know what the other person wants.
But really, as much as we might be more sensitive creatures, it doesn’t make us mind-readers and it’s just so much easier if you lay your cards on the table. If your friends refuse to make adjustments to their lifestyles despite the fact that you’ve made it very clear you can’t afford it, then the problem doesn’t lie with you. It means you need new friends.
At the end of the day, you’ve just got to remember that if your bonds of friendship are strong, money will never come in between it. All you need to do is “man up” and let your friends know what you’re comfortable with spending. |
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No money, no honey?
2011.06.15
21:55:22 |
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Research conducted by SMU psychology professor Norman Li showed that Singaporean women are significantly more materialistic than their American counterparts. According to the survey, a man’s social status was named as the top criterion for us when it comes to looking for a potential spouse. This was followed by kindness and a lively personality. On the other hand, American women named kindness as the most important trait in a man, followed by looks, then a man’s social status.
Thanks Norman Li. You’ve just given all men in Singapore a huge piece of “evidence” to prove that Singaporean women are undesirable.
Take my guy friends for example. They’re convinced that we’re difficult and demanding. A few months back when the debate on whether Singaporean women made good life partners (http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/singapore-women-ideal-marriage-partners-20110223-221041-024.html), most of my trips to the pub with my guy friends ended up being heated arguments about this. The main point here was that they felt that we were high maintenance. We didn’t want to take public transport, we wanted to go to nice places... In other words, compared to women from other parts of Asia, we required that much more work (and money) to impress.
Well, here’s the thing. I’m not contesting that we have high standards when it comes to the life we want for ourselves. But here’s my point. Singaporean men need to understand that just because we might want a lifestyle that’s more than comfortable, it doesn’t necessarily make us golddiggers. Here’s why:
1. We might have high standards but we work hard for it. To me, a golddigger is someone who sits around waiting to “marry up” so that she can afford a lifestyle she can’t be bothered to work for. I’m not saying that this woman doesn’t exist in Singapore. But come on, it’s hard to believe that golddiggers is exclusive to Singapore. She exists in any country. (By the way, I’d like to make it clear that golddiggers are also not exclusive to women. There are plenty of boytoys around.)
I think the average Singaporean woman isn’t a golddigger. I think she’s a woman who knows what kind of life she wants. That’s why when she’s looking for a life partner, it’s important that he is her equal and wants the same things. But here’s the thing that differentiates a golddigger from the average Singaporean woman. She’s working towards that goal, whether or not she has a man in her life. So really, for the woman who doesn’t want to take public transport, chances are, she isn’t taking the bus even if she’s single.
2. Being rich alone isn’t enough for us. A golddigger is after a man who has moolah, and that’s it. It’d be unfair to say that the average Singaporean woman just wants a rich man, regardless of his personality, looks and values.
Yes, we want it all but it’s not to say that we’re delusional. Sure, we might want a job that we love, pays well, and if you want to throw in great colleagues and flexible working hours, why not? But at the end of the day, we’re practical, and we know that not everyone is lucky to have it all. When it comes to a job, we decide which is more important to us. Would we take a job that pays more but has a harsh, unfriendly working environment? Would we take a pay cut to take on a job that we genuinely love? We make the decision based on what how much of what we're willing to compromise on. It doesn't mean we go for either a super high paying job that we hate or a pro bono job that we love.
Similarly when it comes to love, we’re not saying if you aren’t rich, we’re not going to consider you. If you ask an average girl on the street if she’d go out with a filthy rich man who didn’t love her at all, most would say they’re better off on their own. Take a look at what the research showed: kindness ranked after money. After all, if we were just superficial, money-hungry people then wouldn’t looks be ranked right after money?
Whatever it is, Singaporean women are becoming increasingly independent and opinionated. And what this means is that we have no qualms telling the world what we want. After all, why beat around the bush when it comes to your own life? So boys, if you want a nice, subservient woman with simple needs, that’s fine. Go ahead and think we're undesirable. I just hope you realise that she isn’t as much as fun to hang out with as an intelligent woman with her mind of her own. |
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Mum knows best?
2011.05.10
02:17:06 |
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I remember the first time my mum made me feel fat. I was about 13, and I had asked my mum to make a pitstop at Old Chang Kee so that I could grab a curry puff. This was right after we’d just had lunch. She turned to me while she was driving and said, “You know, you might want to watch what you eat.”
Growing up, my mum always made such flippant statements. It wasn’t that she was being mean – there was definitely no malice to it. She wanted the best for me and in her mind, she was dishing out the harsh reality of life. To her, if you’re fat, it’s just that much harder to find love and for a woman who had grown up in a traditional household where her dad had told her it was time to get married when she turned 18, it’s totally understandable that she didn’t want me to suffer the fate of being undesirable and therefore, unworthy of marriage.
I think this along with my unhealthy obsession with celebrities as a teen, made me feel bad about my body for a long time. Even when I was at my thinnest, I remember I used to stand in front of the mirror wishing my tummy were smaller.
The thing is, mums have a huge influence on the way we feel about our body. After all, she is the first woman we have close contact with and it’s through her that we get our first impressions of how it is to be a female adult. A poll commissioned by the Dove Self-Esteem Fund showed that 91 percent of girls aged 8 to 12 turn to their mothers when they’re feeling bad about themselves. So if your mum like mine, feels that a girl is at a disadvantage if she’s big, then you can imagine that you’re not going to be getting encouraging words of comfort if you go to her with your body issues.
But the cool thing about growing up is that your influences change and you start forming your own thoughts. I think as I grew older, the pursuit for the perfect body became increasingly pointless. I was miserable, I loved food way too much and most importantly, I constantly felt shit about myself. After one nasty breakup and a three-month binge fest, I was heavier but much happier.
But guess what? My mum’s beliefs changed with time as well. She realised that marriage wasn’t the be all and end all; a young woman today has so much more opportunities and she owes it to herself to live her life to the fullest. And that’s when she stopped seeing the point to maintaining a dress size just because the boys liked it.
I’d like to think that seeing how different life is for a woman now sparked something in my mum cos as soon as my siblings and I got older and she no longer felt like she had to be at home to look after us 24/7, she went out to pursue all the dreams she had given up to be a full-time mum. She went back to school to get a degree, created her own space so that she can create art, and even took up a job. Plus, she’s all about loving your body right now. She tells me that I look great all the time, and when my sister laments that she’s put on weight, my mum tells her not to be silly.
When I was at the CLEO Runway Search casting event, I met so many girls with their own stories as to why they wanted to take part in the search. Some girls have always dreamt of becoming a top model, others saw it as a personal challenge and many girls came to prove that no matter what your body type, you are beautiful.
It was inspiring and heartwarming to know that there are heaps of girls out there who have a level of confidence that I must admit, I didn’t have in my teens. So if you’re constantly hating your body, you know what? My mum proves that no matter how old you are, you can always change the way you feel about yourself.
So come down to the CLEO Runway Search this Saturday. CLEO is the only magazine that’s having their own fashion show this Audi Fashion Festival and you’ll be able to check out the 15 finalists from our island-wide casting. Hopefully from seeing these real girls strut down the runway, you’ll be inspired to embrace your own body!
P.S. check out some of the girls we met at the CLEO Runway Search casting event on our website! |
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The epic food feast
2011.04.25
17:31:03 |
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When I go on a holiday, the agenda is pretty clear. I want to eat. It’s good that I’m blessed with an stomach of steel that can withstand the dirtiest of street stalls and I’m also suicidal and have this burning desire to head into tiny alleys in search of unknown stalls.
Before I head to the country, I usually hit food blogs to find out where the local haunts are. When I went to San Francisco, finding hot food spots was effortless – it’s a huge foodie city and people love talking about it. When I was doing research for Taipei for my trip over the weekend, it was more challenging. I think it’s mainly because of the language barrier. Even though I like to boast about my A1 in Mandarin whenever the CLEO girls make fun of my crappy mandarin, the truth is that grade was nothing less than a miracle. I can’t read it very well and when I speak it, it comes out sounding all silly.
So when I was looking for blogs, I couldn’t find many websites in English that were helpful. So my good friend and I decided to wing it. We decided that wherever we went, we would speak to a local and ask him to recommend a place, take his word for it and check it out.
Our strategy turned out to be a success. On our first night, after a late night of enjoying amazing cocktails at the bar at W Hotel, and marvelling at how Taiwanese girls were Asian but stood at a head taller than us, we struck a conversation with our bartender and he recommended a supper joint to us.
This place specialises in mee tai mak (even though the mee tai mak here comes in full noodle strands, not the little rat rails that I’m used to). It’s a bit like our Teochew porridge here where you get to pick little side dishes.
Not wanting to hold up the line, we ordered one of each only to get strange looks from the man working there (he was probably amazed that two girls could eat that much). The braised pig’s intestines was amazing. I stopped eating it after one bad incident where it tasted foul (if you imagine what the insides of an uncleaned pig’s intestine tastes like, what I had came pretty close) but I think a few cocktails gave me false courage and I tried it. I’m glad I did cos it was tender, the soy-based sauce that it has been sitting in all day gave it a lethal combination of sweetness and intense savoury flavours. I tasted hints of cinnamon but hey, as I said, I had a few cocktails and you shouldn’t take my word as the gospel truth. The noodles despite being steeped in a MSG-laden broth were exactly what the doctor ordered after a night of drinking. And check it out, this supper joint serves whisky – you order it per glass and it comes with a glass of warm water. Very uncle, but it gave us a cheap thrill.
Another great recommendation was made by our taxi driver. I’ve always loved the simplicity of Taiwan’s Lu Rou Fan. It’s humble fare that’s incredibly comforting. At this stall, the pork is braised in a fragrant sauce till it’s incredibly tender and these pieces of pork are served on top of piping hot rice, more sauce is drizzled on top and the dish is completed with pickles. The sauce is so, so good.
We also stumbled upon this wanton noodles. Here, the wantons are mammoth. I’ll be honest, I thought it was a bit bland but the thing that rocks are the small side dishes (a common sight in Taiwanese restaurants and eateries). I’m a sucker for pickles and in Taiwan, they have a huge variety. My favourite from this trip has to be pickled green chillies. It’s either of a mild variety or it’s pickled to death cos the chillies have no heat. They do however give your noodles or rice a nice spice to it. I also love the thinly sliced beancurd sheets that are tossed in rice vinegar and sesame oil. One other interesting dish we had was braised pork skin. I tried not to think about how sinful this dish was but I can at least take comfort that the collagen will be good for my skin. The spring onions and I suspect leeks on top gives the dish a nice freshness that helps to cut through all that gelatinous goodness.
Well, as you can tell, I still haven’t gotten over my trip. That’s the one thing I love most about going overseas. I like the thrill of hunting down food spots in a new town and when I find one that’s actually good, I go back to my hotel room and lie down and rub my belly in contentment. (I’m sorry for the bad visual). I know the long weekend just ended but I can’t wait for my next holiday!
Tell me! What is the one place you’ve always wanted to visit and why?
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When two become one
2011.03.27
21:08:42 |
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I spent the weekend in Hong Kong. The Rugby Sevens was going on. No, it’s really not because I love the sport. In fact, I know nothing about the sport and honestly, I don’t care much for it but when the Rugby Sevens is on, the city becomes Party Central.
So anyway, the trip was originally planned to be an all girls’ weekend getaway. The plan was to shop, eat and of course, party to our hearts’ content but in between the time we had booked our trip and flying off to it, one of us got into a relationship.
Now, I’m a strong believer that getting into a relationship shouldn’t mean you have to pass a death sentence to your social life. But this weekend, I was reminded of how things change when your single friend comes with a plus one.
We were there only for the weekend so really, there was only one night that we could go out and party. On that one night we had together, the three of us headed to Lan Kwai Fong. The only thing was, my friend who had just gotten attached recently, was checking her Blackberry all night, and she seemed distracted. Not that I think dancing and boozing requires you to put in your 100 percent but it is a downer when you get the sense that someone would rather be somewhere else.
Don’t get me wrong, I know she sincerely wanted to spend time with us and I also know that she would have stayed on to party with us but it was clear that part of her also wanted to be with him. After asking us a few times if we wanted to join her boyfriend and his friends at karaoke, we decided to go there instead. It was no fun knowing that one of us wasn’t having any fun and we figured karaoke was by no means a bad way of spending time together.
We did eventually have an awesome time but girls, it’s official – the honeymoon period has begun. |
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It’s just a number on the scale
2011.03.08
21:25:01 |
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One of my really good friends is getting married and as one of her bridesmaids, I had to go shopping for wedding gowns with her. Now, this is the first time I’ve stepped into a bridal gown shop and I must say, it is an overwhelming experience.
“Do you want taffeta?”
*Stares blankly at salesgirl*
“This isn’t silk, it’s a silk blend.”
*looks confused*
“This white is different from that white. Can you tell?”
“Urm, no. They’re both pretty white to me.”
So obviously, I was of no use to my friend and I didn’t have anything constructive to add to the conversation as they debated over white and looks-like-white-but-isn’t-really-white.
But as I was sitting at the bridal shop watching the other excited brides, I realised something very disturbing – nobody could fit into their dresses. Turns out when you try on gowns, it comes in a standard size and that size is a ridiculously small one. I saw girls who were half my size walking around with dresses that were held together with an elastic band. Why? Cos they couldn’t zip up the dress.
It was the same thing whichever shop we went to. Smiling bride picks out a gown and comes out looking demoralised cos she can’t zip up the dress. Every shop I went to, I heard brides-to-be complain about their weight and share diet secrets as they stood in front of the mirror, sucking in their tummies.
But here’s the thing – if bridal gowns are bringing out gowns that are made for size 0 models, obviously none of us mere mortals can fit into it. And I couldn’t see the logic behind it. I mean seriously, don’t you want me to buy the dress? Then how is making me feel bad about my body going to help you make some moolah?
I’ve never had to shop for a bridal gown myself but I can understand how upsetting it can be to step into a shop and not be able to fit into anything. Some time ago, I was shopping with my sister for a dress. My sister is tiny so finding an outfit wasn’t a problem. Me? I’m no supermodel but I have a healthy body – at that time, I was a size 8 top and a size 12 bottom. But you can imagine how hard it is to find a dress that’s made for my pear-shaped body. After shopping for abot two hours, we went into one particular shop, and after trying on the third dress, the salesgirl looked exasperatedly at me and told me “we don’t carry your size.”
I regret not telling her off and standing up for myself but I was so upset by what she said, I walked out of the shop and broke down outside. I know it was a tad dramatic but I was already feeling horrible about myself from trying dresses all day and what she said to me made me feel so ugly and disgusting.
The next day, I found it hard to touch my food. That continued for about a week. It was when I refused to go out with my friends for Friday night drinks that I realised that I was letting this stupid salesgirl cramp my style! So what? Am I supposed to give up my social life just so that I can fit into a dress at your shop?
So I took a good look at myself and I told myself that I’m happy with my body. Sure, I used to be thinner but I also used to wear mid-riffs with baggy jeans from 77th street. So things change, my body has changed as well and as long as I know I’m healthy, that’s all that matters.
So to all brides-to-be, don’t let these bridal shops get to you! There’s no harm in wanting to tone up for your big day but before you decide to go on a crazy diet, you should ask yourself whether all that misery is worth it. Plus, the stress you put on your body when you go on an extreme diet can lead to serious ill side effects. Sceptical? Just check out our story in the March issue of CLEO – Why Smart Girls Go on Dumb Diets. |
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Hi, do you want to go out with me?
2011.03.02
03:03:06 |
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There has been a lot of debate on why Singaporean women don’t make ideal life partners. A few mornings ago, I heard on the radio that a listener commented that Singaporean women are well-educated but socially inflexible. “Stop thinking that people should accept you for the way you are,” said random listener.
Not to sound obnoxious but yes, I think if a man is going to date me, he’s going to have to take me for who I am. I don’t think this rule applies to everything but what it boils down to is what the exchange rate of each situation is. In other words, if I have to decide if I want to cramp my style, it’d better be worth it.
For example, let’s say I feel the most comfortable when I’m in flip-flops. I absolutely love it. But if I’m going for a job interview, I’m not going to wear it to the interview and expect my potential employer to “accept me for who I am.” Why? Cos what’s at stake here is a job. And switching from flip-flops to a hot pair of stilettos doesn’t take much.
Here’s another example. I love food, especially fried food. All my friends know that about me. But let’s say, I get news that I’ve got heart disease. Am I going to be willing to give up a huge part of who I am to save my life? Hell, yeah! But when it comes to dating, I don’t see why I should have to compromise.
Firstly, the pay-off isn’t earth-shattering. Here’s the thing: my life as a single girl doesn’t suck. In fact, it kinda rocks. And that’s why to me, while getting into a relationship has its perks and good points, I don’t think just having a boyfriend is going to make my life any more fulfilling or happening.
That’s why, to ask me to give up a huge part of myself and be a subservient, obedient girl that may up my chances of getting man, is non-negotiable. I’m proud that I’m opinionated, driven and I really like that when it comes to the life I build for myself, I have high expectations.
This is not to say that I don’t think guys aren’t good enough for me. Actually it’s the total opposite. I know there are guys out there who will accept and appreciate us for who we are and that’s precisely why I don’t think we should have to change ourselves.
So girls, don’t believe for a second that we’re not good enough! In fact, I think you should totally sign up for our speed-dating event with our CLEO Most Eligible Bachelors on March 12. Who knows, you might just find that guy who loves you, just the way you are. To find out how to sign up, visit http://www.askcleo.com.sg/campaigns/bachelors2011/index.html! |
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Butter = overwhipped cream
2011.01.24
20:04:24 |
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I love cooking but I’m an urban cook. What’s an urban cook? Well, my loose definition is someone who has grown up shopping in supermarkets.
The first realisation was when I asked my mum to buy me a red snapper. Instead of buying nice fillets wrapped up in a Styrofoam tray and clingwrapped, she bought me an entire fish. For the longest time, I stared at it -- it was foreign to me. What was I supposed to do with it? I googled how to clean a fish and fillet it and found myself standing over the kitchen sink for an hour, grossed out as I tried to scale it and traumatised as I watched as myself butcher the fish into the ugliest, most uneven fillets I had ever seen.
The same thing happened when my mum made the same mistake of buying me a whole chicken. Once again, I was so used to buying a whole box of frozen chicken thighs that when I saw the whole chicken, it took me a while to even figure out where the thighs were. I watched a few youtube videos on how to clean and cut a chicken into its respective parts but the whole process was uncomfortable and at times grotesque.
These two “mistakes” my mum made got me thinking -- Of course, I know my chicken drumsticks come from a chicken and fish fillets come from an entire fish but from my reaction to having to work with the dead animal itself, it was apparent I had conveniently forgotten where my food comes from.
This sparked off a fascination with learning more about my food. I bought a book called “Forgotten Skills of Cooking”. Written by an Irish woman who has been teaching classes for urban chefs who like me have grown up on prepackaged supermarket food, she touches on all the things we now take for granted. For example, it was from her book that I learnt that butter is essentially overwhipped cream, I learnt how to make my own apple cider and even how to keep my own chickens.
Homemade butter, anyone?
Sure, I won’t be starting my own chicken farm anytime but it was enlightening to know that in nature, chickens don’t lay eggs every day of the year. In one chapter, she covers foraging – the act of searching for food and while I don’t live in a place where watercress grows in the wild, it really hit home that everything we eat comes from the land.
In the US, urban cooks have become more curious about these basic cooking skills. I recently read an article about how butchering classes in New York are increasingly popular. In the UK, there are online courses on how to raise your own pigs, butcher your pig and my friends who live in London tell me that most of the people they know who sign up for these courses are actually people who live in tiny apartments in the city.
One restaurant has taken “respect for food” and turned it into a principle to live by. The chef of Noma, Rene Redzepi, articulates this philosophy best: “We have a pact with nature.” Noma, voted the world’s best restaurant in 2010, uses only food that has sourced from the local soil and sea. He has a team of foragers that look for all the restaurant's ingredients in the Nordic countryside. And judging from what I’ve read about the dishes at Noma, it’s apparent that anything that is edible is an ingredient. And every part of this ingredient -- the oil, saps, leaves and flowers – can be used. The methods of sourcing for food might be ancient but the chefs elevate these ingredients to a fine-dining level by coaxing, enhancing and balancing these flavours using modern techniques.
I think this is great! Understanding that everything we eat comes from nature is the first step to gaining respect for our food and this can only motivate us to not only treat ingredients properly by cooking it well (no more mediocre food!), it might make us think twice about being wasteful. Well, I'm looking forward to the second lesson of my Basics of Cooking class tomorrow. I think we’re learning how to clean and gut a fish, wish me luck! |
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I hate my hair!
2011.01.19
21:23:58 |
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I’ve been growing my hair out. Not because I want to keep it long but because my previous haircut was short and very layered and unless I let those short layers grow out, I’m limited by the hairstyles I can get. At this point, my hair is horrible and unkempt – my fringe is heavy and it’s perpetually in my eye. My hair also tends to be wavy so the back of my head is a mess.
The thing about bad hair is that it really affects my mood. If I don’t pin up my fringe, it annoys me to no end. If I pin it up, I look stupid and I can’t exactly attend events or meet clients with my hair like that. So either way, it puts me in a foul mood all day.
I’m waiting for another month before I go for my haircut and I’ve been shopping for a hairstyle. I really the playful bob that Cynthia tallks about in the February issue of CLEO. Instead of the usual bob, this one is asymmetrical – it’s unexpected but it’s a relatively low maintenance haircut. I’m a lazy person when it comes to hairstyling and I don’t want to have to spend 30 minutes on my hair in the morning. So I like that with this hairstyle, all I need to do is blowdry my hair with a large paddle brush to make it more bouncy. If I want to jazz it up for the weekend, I can easily just use a hairclay to create texture for a more messy look.
If you’re waiting to get your hair cut as well, get the February issue of CLEO and check out the story, Short Cuts. Quick Change. There are plenty of ideas there and I’m sure you’ll be able to find one that’s perfect for you!
MISSING: good-hair days
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The wired are a rude bunch
2011.01.05
19:50:41 |
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I love my smartphone. I really do. I’ve even named it (It’s called Eric, after my friend who’s just as entertaining and reliable).
But I realise smartphones can be a curse as well. I mean, they’re a serious downer when I’m out with my friends now. For example, I’ll be out for dinner with my pals and at least half of them will be on Facebook. Urm, I know you’re catching up with your pals, but I’m here now. Do you want to know how I’m doing? Or should we just sit next to each other and tweet our updates?
One of the more ridiculous stories I’ve heard has to be from Annabelle. Once she she was out with friends and two of them were sitting at the table playing scrabble on their phones … with each other.
I find such behaviour rude cos it tells me two things:
1. I’m awfully boring and you’d rather entertain yourself in other ways.
2. You’re not respectful of my time and company.
I mean, think about it: you wouldn't play Angry Birds while you’re in a meeting with your boss cos you know it’d be the most blatant and defiant way of telling your boss “I don’t give a shit about what you’re saying” so why would it be OK to treat your friends that way?
Look, I know there is a difference between a meeting with your boss and one with your friends. I would never get smashed off my face at a client meeting but hey, if it’s happy hour with my friends, keep the booze coming. But I think here’s the problems with smartphones – there are no widely accepted taboos. While everyone knows chewing with your mouth open is rude, technology has developed faster than we’ve had time to establish some form of etiquette.
For example, a survey showed that 87 percent of people think it’s wrong to use your phone at a religious service but in another survey, 75 percent of people thought using your phone in the public bathroom is perfectly fine (really? Before or after you wipe?). It just goes to show we’ve all developed our own unspoken rules about when’s a right time to use our phones.
So perhaps, it will take stepping on each other’s toes until we come to some form of general consensus as to what’s appropriate smartphone behaviour. In the meantime, I will resist crushing my friends’ smartphones with my beer glass. |
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App-solutely awesome!
2010.12.21
19:42:47 |
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I’m totally excited about Singapore Restaurant Week! Basically what happens during this culinary event is that top-notch restaurants in Singapore (that usually cost a bomb) offer a three-course meal at a extremely low price – dinner costs $35++ and lunch costs $25++. The thing is, each restaurant allocates only a limited number of seats so last year, everything was fully booked real quick. Well, that’s nothing compared to Restaurant Week in Europe – people set their alarms to get first dips into the awesome deals!
Well, this coming year, there are a whole list of restaurants coming aboard for Singapore Restaurant Week including Oso, Forlino, The Knolls at Capella Hotel and Boathouse.
Plus, if you’re a foodie, you might be interested to know that Singapore Restaurant Week is collaborating with Lunch Actually, a dating agency, to organise a singles event that brings together eligible food lovers at selected participating restaurants– wining, dining and the potential to meet a cutie? Where do I sign up?
Urm, well, actually I know where to sign up. All bookings can be made online from February 23, 2011 at the website www.restaurantweek.sg.
Anyway, talking about food, my pals bought me a HTC smartphone for my birthday (cos they decided it’s time for the tech idiot to get with the smartphone program) and I’ve been totally hooked on looking for food-related apps! The only problem I’m facing is that most apps are made for the iPhone but anyway, here are some of the apps that are totally worth having:
1. If you need help picking out a wine: Smooth Wine Pro (iPhone app)
Seriously this app is stuff of the sci-fi movies! If you are like me and you’re not a wine expert, this app will help you make a well-informed decision. All you need to do is to take a photo of a wine label and it will match that image to the app’s enormous wine database. You will get a description of the wine, as well as users’ reviews. You’re also able to do a geographic search of wine stores near you, and do general wine searches by type, price and region.
2. If you’re a budding chef: Epicurious Recipe (iPhone and Android app)
With this app, you get access to over 28,000 professionally tested recipes from awesome foodie mags such as Gourmet and Bon Appetit, popular cookbooks, top chefs and leading restaurants.
3. If you’re a busy bee: Jamie Oliver’s 20 Minute Meals (iPhone app)
It’s no surprise that Jamie Oliver has his own app. Jamie Oliver might have quite a rep for being a media whore these days but you have to acknowledge the fact that he was the man who made cooking cool and accessible. Before he came along, all cooking shows were frumpy, matronly woman who liked spending hours making chicken stock. So when it comes to creating recipes that are easy and quick, he knows his stuff. I’ve checked out this app on a friend’s phone and the instructions are clear, easy to understand and it even comes with photos so you know you’re on the right track.
4. If you’re travelling to the US: Local Eats (iPhone app)
Now, this app is seriously cool. Use the “what’s near me” function and it will search via GPS to pick out all the best food spots near you. Only the best restaurants in top U.S cites and heaps of smaller cities in the country are featured (no national chain restaurants are featured) and you can view user comments about the restaurants, make reservations, book a taxi instantly or get driving instructions. The cool thing about this app is that it’s effortless finding an ideal food spot – you can filter your search according to top 100, cuisine, price range, bar information, vegetarian friendly. You really can’t have a bad meal with this app.
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I left my fat in San Francisco
2010.12.15
19:11:04 |
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I don’t have a weighing machine at home. In fact, most of the time, I avoid stepping on one. I have a few reasons:
1. Numbers are misleading.
Just because I’m 60kg doesn’t mean I’m fat. I might be 1.8m tall. That’s the rational side of me. But the thing is, the power of the number is just too strong and the moment I see a number that seems heavy, I can’t help but feel bad about myself.
2. Weighing myself doesn’t motivate me to work out.
The thing about my body is that I put on weight very, very gradually. What this means is that if I step on the weighing scale and I’ve put on only 200g, it’s way too easy for me to blame water retention or my period, and it gives me a perfect excuse not to exercise.
3. I never get the same number on the weighing scale.
The one at my gym will tell me something, the one in Deb’s office will tell me another. What use is inaccurate information?
So for me, my gauge of my weight is how well my clothes fit me. I’m naturally pear-shaped so if I put on weight, I know the first places to show are my belly, hips and thighs. If my skirts start feeling tight, I know something’s up. But here’s the real tell-tale sign for me – when my boobs become bigger. So last month when I found myself feeling uncomfortable from wearing my bra all day, I knew I had put on some serious weight.
The truth is, my new body doesn’t bother me that much. I quite like how my clothes fill out better and I recently and very shamelessly told Debs how I finally have some semblances of curves (as opposed to a mutant pyramid shaped body). That’s why when I went to San Francisco (which was supposed to be my food-bingeing holiday), I wasn’t too worried that this newfound weight was going to cramp my style.
But check it out: I think I might have lost weight from my trip! I recently tried one of my more fitting dresses that I had hung in the “one-day-I-will-fit-into-you-again” part of my wardrobe and I managed to zip it up effortlessly. This only goes to prove one thing: that I was right all along – stress, not food, is making me fat! Either that, or eating five huge meals a day, replacing lattes with water and boozing every night, is the secret recipe to weight loss. (I highly doubt the latter is true, even though it would be the best news ever).
If you pick up a copy of the January issue of CLEO (that has hit the stands, woot!), you will find out why stress has an insidious and real impact on your body. To put it very simply, stress makes your body go totally out of whack and even if you're not eating more than usual, you can end up gaining weight. But fret not! There are ways for you to cope with the effects of stress and there are foods that you can take that help to reduce your levels of stress. You’ll have to read the article to find out!
As the year-end is coming, you might be taking a holiday. Read the story, go on your holiday and tell me if you lost weight after that! | 
What are you waiting for? Eat up!
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Stargazing
2010.12.05
19:06:00 |
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For the longest time, I wondered what it’s like to eat at a Michelin star restaurant. After all, the Michelin star rating is the most recognised rating system in the culinary world.
Here are some things I do know about the Michelin Guide. To be even put under “star consideration”, there’s a strict criteria. Firstly and most obviously, the food should use excellent ingredients. There are also other things such as a display of impressive technical skill and a balanced menu with a distinct personality. Even the drink menu is scrutinised to see if enhances the dining experience. But here’s the thing that gives the Michelin guide credibility – inspectors make repeated visits to make sure the quality and dining experience is consistent and all meals are paid for in full by the inspectors.
Despite knowing all of this, the sceptic in me was convinced that this list was put together by a bunch of food snobs who had $300US to splurge on meals. So when I was in San Francisco, I decided it was time to check out a Michelin star restaurant for myself. My first one was Aziza, a Moroccan restaurant that was awarded with a Michelin Guide star this year.
When I stood outside Aziza, I was hardly impressed. It was a non-descript building and if we hadn’t looked closely, we would have probably missed it. When I stepped in, the décor did little for me. The blue tinted windows, the rich colours and banquettes adorned with Arab-ish cushions bordered on being kitschy.
The food and drinks were the saving grace. Aziza, like many places in San Francisco showcases the best of organic produce and free range meat from local farms that practice sustainable farming. Aziza is known for its innovative cocktail list and I wasn’t disappointed. My order came with muddled grapes, scotch and elderflower – the warmth of the scotch went beautifully with the hint of sweetness from the grapes.
Now, on to the more important part – the food. Nothing on the menu was predictably Moroccan. Take our order of Dungeness crab for example. The only thing that was Moroccan-inspired about the dish was the spiced shellfish broth and even then the spices were delicate to complement the natural sweetness of the crab.
The only dish that is straight-up traditional is the Basteeya. Chicken is cooked with almonds and spices in a flaky filo pastry and served with powder sugar. My phototaking skills suck so the photo does the food no justice whatsoever but trust me when i tell you that the interplay of savory and sweet and all the different textures were just amazing.
Another memorable dish was the Lamb Shank. Braised with prunes, barley, cranberry and scallions, the meat fell off the bone with just a gentle prod of the fork and it was a warm, hearty dish that was perfect on a cold, windy night.
So here I was, tucking into an awesome meal and I suddenly realised that this was nothing like what I expected from a Michelin star restaurant. The prices were decent ($10US for a cocktail, about $15US for starters), the vibe wasn’t stuffy and snotty (girl talk about men and sex didn’t seem inappropriate) and best of all, the service was proper without being overly formal (our waiter stood at our table for a good ten minutes to recommend good brekkie places to check out in San Francisco).
I was lucky enough to try another Michelin star restaurant – French Laundry – but that’s for another post. All this reminiscing about food is making me hungry and I’ve got to get something to eat!
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Party in the USA
2010.11.11
23:46:13 |
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Don’t ask me why but that Miley song has been stuck in my head all day. Anyway, I was at sipping on my Peppermind Mocha from Starbucks during my lunch hour when I saw the December issue of CLEO at the newstands and that’s totally put me in a great mood. Why? Cos it means the month of year-end festivities is just round the corner!
The thought of Xmas always puts me in a good mood. My family don’t really have a traditional Christmas – there’s no turkey, no log cakes, no Christmas tree, no gift exchanges and definitely no going round the table giving thanks. Well, it’s not that the gathering is any less heart-warming.
It’s one of the few times in a year where my siblings and I come together to whip up a feast for our family dinner. Weeks before Christmas, I’d plan the menu and a few days before Christmas dinner, I’d send out an email to my siblings telling them what time they will need to come down to the kitchen for their sous chef duties.
Despite the fact that my siblings call me the kitchen nazi, it’s a ball of a time. We sit around (always with a beer close by), and chop away. My dad’s sole duty is to make sure there is enough wine and champagne chilled in the fridge and my mum comes into the kitchen to have beer with us from time to time. My grandmother of course, is the real kitchen nazi cos she spends all afternoon watching us move her pots and pans, and of course telling us how things should really be cooked. (It’s not her fault. It’s in her Cantonese blood).
Of course, there is more to the festivities than Christmas dinner with the family. It’s the time of the year where there are more parties than my liver can take but hey, I always like a good challenge. Other than ZoukOut, I haven’t really made any concrete plans on where I’m going but I know it’s going to be an awesome month of late nights and groggy mornings. Can’t wait! |
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